anasbohemian7

BInge
WOw. i never really had a true binge before. i mean i thought i have but ohh i was wrong. i dont know if alot of u have had a true binge..maybe u have. i mean i ate and ate and ate..but that wasnt all i had this feeling nothin could touch me nothin..for a minute i was free from myself..from all of my responsibilties..from the future and the past. but then u start to get tired of eating..ur chewing slows and ur brought back down from utopia. then u throw it all up.. and straight from the toilet i write this thinking was it worth it..HELL NO! now i have to exercise my ass off cuz i lost all fucking control. i defintley prefer anorexia to bulimia..haha like i have a choice..hmm i think today i should have cancer..it doesnt work like that does it. well today besides the binge i did okay i ate about 400 cals..but then i binged and i dont know but i did throw up right after..so i didnt obsorb too many of those cals.but still enough. i am tired of this fucking thing...i hate life right now. also i am sick of all these people not neccisarily any of u guys that want to have an ed. my friend and i were drunk..i dont know if she was honest cuz of this but she said sometims she wanted to have ana cuz she like the way people look that have it. fuck her fuck all the girls who just wnat to lose a couple of lbs. u know what puke ur fucking guts out see fucking blood..wake up and faint everyday then say oh just a couple of pounds so i look good. like before i dont think any of u act like this but i ams ure u all know a person that does this...sry this is long but i needed to get it out. have a lovely night!

I finished my second day of fasting. I think tomorrow im going to get some crystal light. I am going to get my hair dyed blonde this saturday I cant wait! I wish i could get it tomorrow cuz my friend is coming to visit and i want to scare her. but i was starving earlier but not too bad righ tnow. i hope i am not too hungry tomorrow. or light headed. oh good news i can fit into these pants that i wore when i was at my lowest weight! they are tighter then they were but i can button them without fat popping out everywhere! i am so happy. i am 135 right now. i was 110 at my lowest ...only 20 pounds to go for my stgw! i am so happy. well its late i think i am gonna hit the sack.i have to babysit tomorrow and that takes allll my energy.

hate mosquitos. I dont know if any of you have to deal with themlike I do. I live in Alaska, and they are huge up here. But neways that is way off subject. Today I think I did okay, I could have done alot better of course. Wel I woke up at 1 and then took my dog on a 4 1/2 mile walk. I ate a salad with shrimp and croutons and fat free ranch for dinner. NOt too many cals. I had this coffee drink forlike 240 cals. I hate how addicted i am to it. but tommorrow i got this really good coffee that i dont mind drinking black! 0 cals! so i did the walk then i did budakon then i did taebo boot camp. tomorrow i am gonna fast, i would have today but my mommy came home early and made me salads. man i was kinda scared for a minute today though i felt sooo sick. i had an empty stomach then drank some mikes hard lemonade and i thought i was gonna die i mean i have never felt that sick before. its not the alochol that got to me cuz i am a heavy weight with that so i dont know but i am not gonna do that again. wow this is a mile long. but tommorow i planned out my day and ther is no time for eating! well good luck to u all. STAY STONG!

Damnit I ate! I didn't eat much though. I ate half a panini...my sister forced me too. I was just talking about how she didnt make me eat too. What the fuck. I dont know. But thats all I ate. About 250 cals. Shit thats alot more than 0. Well I did the ballet workout yesterday it was kinda hard...cuz i am not flexable..and have never done a ballet move in my life. The taebo was a lot easier than my other ones. I am starting to fast again tomorrow. Only water and tea this time no orange juice. I think I am going to stay up all night tonight exercising then sleep until late in the afternoon. That will keep me from eating..can u tell I have no life? haha. Well wish me luck on the fast. Tommorrow is another day.

Well yesterday went really well. I did have a glass of orange juice though. But to make up for that I ran a little over a mile and did pilates. Today I don't even feel hungry. I am sure you guys know how I feel. Even if I see my favorite food I don't think I could eat it. I'm not allowed. Well I dunno this is a new feeling to me..before I had to try not to eat , now its like I will have to try to eat. I'm not complaining its going to make losing weight a lot easier. I think I am going to go to barnes and noble today and look at some cookbooks and diet books.
STAY STRONG!
p.s i lost 6 pounds i now weigh 134.5! I want to be 130 by the end of the week. Even if its water weight

Well it has been awhile since I wrote and alot of stuff has happened..well not alot but. First of all I got a new puppy. His name is Harry and he is a golden retriever. He is a pretty good dog, pretty much got the potty training down thank god!
My bike got stolen from the library, but I stole it back. Me and my freind were walking and she saw some guy riding what looked like my back so we kinda looked were he was riding to. Then later on we walked back there and we saw it in some yard and i just took it out of the yard. It was pretty cool because we didnt turn down one wrong street, we pretty much found it right away.
My sister's birthday was yesterday but me and her are going to hang out today. She is now 22.
Well my grandma also died. I didn't cry though. At first I forced my self not too, crying is for weak people and I am strong and in control. But now i wish i could. I mean she had been sick for a really long time, in the last 6 months it was like she was already dead, she just wasnt herself, she was weak and helpless,and she had always been strong and independent. I still want to cry though, maybe I will one day. I get so mad cuz I will cry in some movies, but I didm't cry when my own grandma died.
Well that's whats up. Not alot but in my life anything happening is amazing.